I'm not depressed, but if I dig too deep, sometimes (okay, maybe not often, maybe only right now) everything I think I want feels impossible, or futile, or stupid. But everything feels that way, what's the point of anything? Why are we here? I don't have any desire to die-it's not that, I'm not depressed- I just don't feel any momentum, because everything, every motion, every direction seems equally futile. Don't know where this came from, suddenly, or why. Why do we strive? Why do we love? Why do we practice? Why do we try to communicate? Why do we want to connect? Why do we explore? Why do we search for meaning? Why do we make art? What are we hoping to find at the end (or the beginning) of anything? Of life? What are we hoping to give or to get on the journey? Maybe I'm just overwhelmed. Everything I need to get done seems at a standstill, again. Motions that take us somewhere equally vague.
Think I'll go for a walk (A little light-headed, but maybe I just need to eat.) Need to get to the zoo again, early, to observe the mammals when they are awake. We have to present those tomorrow. Ten-hour class. Still need to write my "statement of purpose," too, not sure if this mindset is a plus or a minus for that.
An existential blip.
Internet connection is really bad as well. Really need to get a phone. Spent a fair amount of time observing farm animals, but not sure if they are the right thing. Filmed a few of them, will have to come up with something. Lost scene partner five minutes after walking into zoo. Can't really do anything about that, at least I got him in for 1/2 price. (I needed to observe farm animals. That's what I did. That, and get a decent cow impression down. Maybe I should be a cow...they mostly just stood there. Chewing. With runny noses.)
Curiously, facebook works, nothing else.
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