Wednesday. The light shines through the blinds, the birds sing in the trees, the bus rumbles down the street, I am waiting to meet my scene partner in an hour, two doors up, and I am happy to be here. Have a minor goal to empty (or move) one box a day or spend at least 15 minutes. I would like to find socks, at least (and to not trip so much.) I love living in an attic again, even if it does get blazingly hot. I can't find anything, still, but I'm no longer stressed out. (Though I do spend far too many waking moments wondering when I can take a nap. Still exhausted.)
Thursday. I feel like everything drained out of me, and there are very few thoughts rumbling around. I'm having to really dig for coherency. It's there, just not any kinda' subconscious priority. Brain does not want to go to deep thoughts without a fight...rest of me doesn't want to fight. In a two-day first aid class, today was overview, tomorrow is all the practical stuff (CPR, bandaging, etc.) Feeling super inert, fairly blank. Supposed to have some personalization of character for tonight, but not clear on what that means...where she resonates in me? Took lousy notes (for me) on Sunday...I know she wants change. She wants what's hidden to be explored. She wants authenticity. She wants a fight, she must...she never walks out of the room.
What do I want? I want clarity, or perhaps (since my thought are more absent than fuzzy), substance of thought.
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