Ugh, trust

Maybe I made a mistake.  Maybe I don't trust enough. 

Anyway, momentarily freaked out about the decision last night, that I was letting money be a big factor (not the only one) in that decision, because I was panicking about that.  Wondering if I made the decision from a point of fear and if that was the best place to do it from.  At any rate, I had to decide and I hadn't had as much time to try to work it out as I would've liked.  I don't know if I was afraid, but I wasn't completely clear-headed.  (I wasn't sure what was at the core right for me as opposed to what I should want or should do, or what someone else would do, etc.)

Then again, is it fear of no other options that makes me second guess now?  It's not that black and white, it might have been the best training, but it can't be the only one.

Don't know.

Walked around the lake after dance last night.  Someone had set up a piano between the swimming area and the boat rental.  It was painted silver and had robot arms and a sign that said "Play me."  Someone was.  (I liked the song she was playing, I should have asked what it was, would make a good song for my clown.)  Later a friend posted something about it on facebook.  It's "Pianos in the Parks." http://blog.kexp.org/2014/07/17/kexp-presents-pianos-in-the-park-717-817/

Further along, someone had built rock sculptures in the water, lining the edge of the lake.  And further still, I came across a baby bird, sparrow, I think.  Hopping around picking up seeds, and then spitting them out.  Blending so well into the gravel, you almost couldn't see it.  A jogger almost ran over it.  I think I bonded with it. It was hopping around at my feet, without any concern.  Couldn't figure out where it came from, there weren't other concerned birds around.  Someone I knew stopped and we talked about it and then a kid stopped and we wondered if we should do anything, but it seemed fine, so we left it to it's own devices.  Cute thing.

I'm slightly more coordinated than I was last week.  We relearned the "triple" to change the order of steps and to add a plié at the end, somehow making it easier to do.  She also emphasized looking up and opening your heart to the audience, both because of the invitation to the audience and because looking down sends a different message to your body (doubt) when you are trying to learn something new, even if the reason you are looking down is concentration. In that way, it's a lot like clown: whatever's going on, you share rather than hide.

(I heard back from my friend. He's fine.)