Back to the beginning

The strawberries I bought on Saturday have sprouted fur already.  My housemate commented that at least you know there's nothing on them, and offered to pick through them to salvage, so I gave them to him.  He's braver than I.  I salvaged a few.  I should probably eat them already.  I'm itching to get outside, nicest day in months, possibility of hitting close to 70 degrees.  Have begun my new slew of housing contacts.  Optimism!

Back to the love thing, maybe there is no such thing as a "love of your life, ie soul mate."  Maybe we've just bought into a fantasy and we "wait" for something we will never find, missing out on people we'd be compatible with and would be good for us and vice versa.  Maybe it's just a marketing ploy to sell books to lonely people.  I don't know.  (I was just having this conversation with someone, we have it fairly regularly.)  I go back and forth, it's a nice fantasy, but it's not so nice if it makes you look over someone's shoulder.  It's not nice, if it holds you back from living.  And how would you even know if you met them?  You just need to decide to build a life with someone, with each other, I suppose.  Commit daily to each other and to making it work.  (This is kinda' deja vu, I might have written this last year, as well.)  Jury in my head is out, but tends to lean slightly in the latter direction, after all, fantasies keep you from actually living.  (Okay, now I'm sounding like the movie Serendipity, which yes, I admit, I have seen on tv, and also a word someone just used right now...more synchronicity.)  But the thought of being someone's entire universe all the time, makes me feel claustrophobic.  I want a relationship, I want to feel like we trust each other and that the ground is solid, and that we share our lives, but I don't want to be so enmeshed with someone to the point of suffocation.  I'm pretty independent.  It sounds conflicted, but I think a lot of people are able to find that.  Yeah?  Always the possibility that I change my mind, but there it is.