Middle of the week

Read two plays yesterday, started a third at the bus stop.  Was going to re-look at Proof but I must have packed it accidently, because I can't seem to find it now.  She also suggested I look at Rivera (Marisol), and Genet.  (Not a fan of existentialism, but I'll read it.  Doing the play, which I'm open to, would limit again who I invite to see it. I don't know.)  Anyway, have a huge stack of material I'm reading.  We had conferences last night.  I still need to allow myself to take up more space, and I like being in a situation (class) right now where I am still receiving external permission, because I'm still getting stuck in my head, afraid to make a choice, and having the external coaching helps me get out of it and into what's actually happening right now.  Eventually, I'll have to do that for myself, and I will, but I'm not there yet, at least not all the time.

I feel myself neutralizing everything, both on "stage" and in life, she mentioned that maybe I'm just more aware of it, and that I'm not necessarily doing it more.  I don't know.  I don't feel particularly safe right now, so I'm retracting so as to not draw attention to myself.  Not healthy, but survival mode.  (Which I really want to get out of.)  Speaking of which, I need to contact the person I dated to let him know that I contacted the ad.  I don't know if he still lives there, but I don't want it to be weird if he does.  (You know, if you live in shared housing for any length of time, and date people that live in shared housing, this is eventually gonna come up.)