Trust

Way too scattered.  Feel like I'm running in one direction, chipping away at something, then running off in a different one and chipping away at that.  It's exciting to be in a place where anything is possible, but exhausting to not be able to stand on anything solid until things settle.  It's like being in the middle of a whirlwind (or being the wind), I don't know what direction to go in, I don't know direction.  All that remains is trust, and a belief that the world is "safe."

Happy that we're mostly back to a regular class schedule, it helps me feel grounded, and that the work is progressing, and not in a vacuum.  I need the interaction, the connection, the feedback.  And the accountability, there's so much going on, if I don't have to focus on something, I won't, and I need to.

I am by no means in despair, actually feeling rather upbeat, but I like this poem by Wendell Berry (and as it's National Poetry Month):

"THE PEACE OF WILD THINGS"
by Wendell Berry

 

When despair grows in me

and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought

of grief. I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting for their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

 

After class, stressed out again: so much to get done, so little time, such a lack of clarity in my head...so, head feels like it's screaming.  First things first...choose an event, buy a tape, record the exercise.  Shit. Oh, and I still haven't done the empathy exercise.