Fumbling

I do realize I'm a bit of a hypocrite, having had people do "interventions" on me a couple of times due to my lack of follow-thru, but ripping every part of my personality apart in the process (for my own good, of course.) And so I try to be hyper-aware of doing that to someone else, and the better part of me doesn't always win. But are the only options to stay silent and frustrated to remain in relationships (which aren't real then) or to speak your mind and burn the bridge and spend your life alone? There has to be a middle road, I'm fumbling my way to find that. And what I want sometimes, isn't possible. We all only have so much attention to give. It's not always possible to give more attention or time just because someone else wants it. I suppose that's just the reality, you have to choose where that goes, and even if everyone is clamouring for attention, it's not possible to give that to everyone. (But then again, why invite people into our lives, are we all at the point of just collecting each other?)

Ahh, the joy and struggle (big, big, big) of transformation. Keep on stumbling forward through the weeds. No point in going backwards, though. In this year, better to be pushed along where the tides want to go than to fight the flow and drown. It will all be for the better in the end, though, I am a bit sad for everything I have to let go of (mostly people.)