Frustration

(I really need to eat breakfast more regularly.) My frustration levels were so high in class this morning that it took all of my will not to walk out mid-way. I've never walked out of a class before, and it woulda' been pretty melodramatic, so I'm glad I didn't do it. I was being passed over in class as far as being able to speak, both in the small group and the class as a whole. Finally, I spoke up and said that I wanted a turn to speak since I had been passed over (as if I wasn't sitting there.) There were only six of us in class. I was telling the student that sits at my desk when I'm not here about it. She gave me a granola bar for my brain:)

Now I'm still trying to contain myself from biting off some random person's head, and practicing human decency in spite of feeling like my head's gonna explode. Gonna be a really, really long day.  I can actually imagine being a cat furling and unfurling my claws. I haven't ever dealt with being treated as if I'm invisible or inconsequential very well. (This is by FAR the pointiest stone in my shoe. It is the thing that makes me the bat sh** crazy chick. I'm slowly getting better.) At least I managed to speak up for myself today, so actually, kudos to me. (Even a lack of a response is a response. Time to let go for good. What it ever was (flirting? possible friendship? acquaintance?) I don't know, but it's certainly nothing now. Please try not to hate me for wanting to know you. In the real world, I've generally treated you well and given you the benefit of  the doubt, so forgive my confusion of what I'm guilty of, or why I was suddenly no longer worth knowing.) And am now aware of my "most uncomfortable place." So that's a step up. (Am gonna need that later for class.) Something weak to be broken and fixed (quite long-standing. This last part isn't about class, just something whose time has come to face.)

And I've met a lot of really cool people I'd like be friends with this week, so then, non-kudos to me for not exchanging contact info. I'm flaky about that most of the time.

Thank God weird and loud noises along with stomping around are perfectly acceptable behaviors in my other class. Gotta love that. And thank God for the reprieve on the final script from Friday until Monday 'cos it wasn't realistically gonna get done tonight, since the other class runs late.