Always impatient

Today is a brain-exploding kinda' day.  I keep having to walk outside and remind myself to breathe.  It's nothing major, none of it, just an raging, constant onslaught of pissy little things...which kinda' points to my attitude as much as anything.  Breathe.

And it was stunning out this morning: hard frost sparkling in the sunrise, the western mountains and sky glowing pink, almost constant visitation of my bird friend...still, I can feel my jaw clench and I'm on the edge of crying at the merest hint of a word, good, bad...probably even neutral.  Ironically, the only things I'm able to get accomplished are in relation to the big move-out I'm working on...that is actually inching along, thankfully.  I'm hitting roadblocks everywhere else.  Every. Where. Else.  I just want to get something done.  It's an ever-growing to-do list that never can have anything checked off, so I'm being buried by it.  And my lack of organization makes it worse: if things turned over quickly, I wouldn't need to remember to get them done, but now they sit and linger and get forgotten, buried under whatever the next crisis is.

And then, someone calls me right before we close and says they will take care of everything tomorrow...and whatever was the block dissolves and washes away.

And later still, the choir rehearsal is a series of songs where I just lose myself in the harmonics, so, so beautiful, I just want to rest there in it, and it's all over too soon, though my throat is a little raw from the singing and the (possible) cold.

God, I'm lucky.