Tuesday

The morning arrives with the jarring juxtaposition of the thick, dampening fog, and absolute chaotic traffic and construction...I feel unsettled.  Ran into an ex-boyfriend (the one I always run into) while trying to get to a bus that was running, and he commented that he thought I was a (high school) student making my way to school.  Then he said it was better than saying I looked old.  (Weird mostly in that his youngest daughter is finishing high school, and that we cross paths a lot, I don't look drastically different...maybe it was the location.)

It's not just the gushing on Facebook, I've been speaking my mind more in general the last couple of days, to a lot of people.  A little less timid, less self-conscious.  Maybe it's the moon, maybe it's exhaustion, maybe it's Meisner...a healthy thing for me at any rate.  Hope I manage to keep in the habit.  I tend to trend toward passivity in life.  Perhaps I'm afraid of the consequences of action (both good and bad), afraid of what it would mean if my life changed and whether or not I could handle it.  The devil you know... The problem with that is that you don't end up necessarily where you'd like to go, and while the journey might be a good one, you are blown about by whatever the strongest outside influence pushes you: your life is acted upon, rather than acted out by you (me.)  Hasn't been a bad life, just really passive.  (This year has been an exception, 23 was as well, and 2004.)  Maybe all the internal shifting over the past year is finally affecting my behavior...or maybe it's just the moon.

Speaking of moody:

Lighted trees/L. Herlevi 2013