End of the week

Not to get all Matrix-y here, but if people open doors for you, you have to actually walk through them on your own.  As nice as it would be, no one's here to hold your hand (or mine, as the case may be.)  And a lot of doors have opened.  I'm terrible with follow-thru, but currently forcing myself to do something, anything to make myself move toward what I say I want (but apparently afraid to hope for.  But if I've done, or am doing, the work, I have as much right to enter as anyone else.)  I also have a serious commitment problem, I think I'm afraid of closing doors behind me.  You do have to choose at some point.  It doesn't have to be the "right" or perfect choice, I just need to commit to it.  I can say this in general, but I'm mostly thinking of choices on stage, in class.  It's making my actions/interactions muddy.  Make big choices! (and commit to them!)

I'm excited to see what the shows will be tonight.  I watched a Vimeo video last night on it, the directors and actors are all drawn the morning of.  They posted it earlier, too.  Trying to give my 2/4 comps away, but can't wait any longer for date/time.  I did give one away, I'll probably use two of them, myself...but I have one more.

Sadly, lower expectations doesn't keep disappointment at bay.

The show was great.  Saw it 2x (mostly, I left before the very last one because I didn't want to miss the very last bus.  In retrospect, I probably coulda' stayed, but why risk it?  Also, I was feeling pretty sick to my stomach all night.  Not sure what's up with that.)  The 8 pm show was sold out, so lots of people standing.  I saw it from the back, near the middle, and saw the 10:30 show from the side.  The middle was definitely better for the first few plays-there were seven, but the side was good for others.  Someone I didn't realize was an actor, was friggin' hilarious.  There was some wonderful physical work, noticeably in the first piece after the intermission called "Boxed Wine" and also by a woman that played a dead turtle (come back from the dead) in "My Pet and My Dead Pet."

I was ushering through the beginning of the second show.  One of my best friends from when I did theatre (long ago) showed up to the 8 pm show.  I haven't seen him in probably 15 years.  It was great.  I think about him a lot.  Last time I saw him was strange, I was working as a waitress and he came into the restaurant and I didn't talk to him because I felt stupid because I was working at that restaurant.  I was just insecure.  I've always felt like an ass about it.  He introduced himself to me tonight (I had a name tag on, and he came through my door) and we hugged, and then he came over and introduced me to his wife, and we talked a bit.  It was good.  I needed that.

Bus got me home after 1 am.  And it's pouring down rain.  And there were geese flying and honking to each other between the bus stop and home.  These pictures are from Friday.  Gone from (boring) night shots to cacti. (I spent my lunch hour in a greenhouse looking at desert plants and frogs.)

 

Not Cacti, Jan 10/L Herlevi 2014

January 10/L Herlevi 2014