Time

Feel like everything is in a holding pattern.  As if nothing will ever change.  Clearing out files and emptying boxes to get rid of things that are no longer needed, but have weight and guilt attached (the "I really need to deal with that" kind.)  Moving things that are blocked energy.

And have also received the gift of time: 1) rehearsal got cancelled tonight which frees up 3 hours for writing, plus exercises for class; 2) got wait-listed for auditions, and there are no prelim auditions in February, so have another month to get this monologue thing together.  If I were non-caucasian or singing for the audition I might've gotten bumped up in priority.  I do actually hope this means they will cast more asian women in non-stereo-typical roles...I've heard that complaint, I think I agree with it...or hispanic/latino women (think I saw one asian woman cast against type, in a very small role; no latino women at all this past year. The show I did doesn't count, we signed up for it.  And I'm talking general casting calls, the big shows, not the specifically ethnic companies, or the smaller companies, who are already diverse and doing great work.)  Anyway, I still need strong monologues, there have been a lot of audition notices that I would like to answer, but I need something to present.  I also need a head-shot still (working on that.)  The show I really want to do has rehearsals that conflict (heavily) with class, so will probably have to pass on it.  There will be others.

I should clarify what I meant by the text comment.  I don't really like "in" jokes in plays especially if they are so locationally specific...how does that play in St. Louis is five years?  I don't think you should have to explain it.  It needs to be a pretty broad reference if it's gonna translate to another audience.  Perhaps I mean it can be "alienating?" Not sure what word I want.  Whether it's meant to be or not, it comes across as exclusive (and I got it, I'm from here.)  It's my own personal beef.  I've seen it in other workshopped plays, and everyone wanted to keep it in, but no one anywhere else was gonna know what you were talking about, even here in five years...and I think that distracts from the overall play, or it flies over and becomes unnecessary fluff (because it doesn't land with anyone, it doesn't mean anything to another audience. Not advocating for generic, most plays aren't, just not private jokes.)  And it annoys me when I do it.  I think a play has a need for an economy of words...you have such a short time to tell your story.  (And in general, I liked the play.  I'd see it again.)

Maybe the delivery was off last night.  I don't know: it stuck out, and pulled me out of the story.  A print-making instructor I once had made the comment about getting too attached to our work, to an idea, so that you don't let yourself move beyond that.  Something something "the precious."  Can't remember the exact words.  Had to do with being afraid to push your work further beyond what you think is finished.  And she always made us take it at least one step past what we thought was final.  (It was reductive print-making, you keep cutting away after each run through the press.  A permanent kind of editing.)  Not saying this playwright is guilty of that here, but we all are at times, I am sometimes, and it reminds me of that.

Revising.  Revision.  Reimagination.  Growth.