and in walks another elephant

Room is getting crowded with another elephant. While meditating this morning I came face to face with some of my own snooty-ness. I've been kinda' aware of it, trying to work on it, overcome it. I don't really know where it comes from. I don't like it, but can't deny it. It's part of who I am right now. Is the only way to change the constant wrestling? I've done that before, with other things. A lot of other issues. Oh, crap.  Pretending it doesn't exist is useless. I'm ashamed to even write it down (and no, it doesn't have anything to do with racism, or homophobia, or xenophobia.) And it hits me as much, if not more so, than anyone else.

Anyway, I was getting ready to go to church, and then as I was leaving, I realized it was too late, again. So, I went to this other Lutheran church. There weren't very many people there, but they were all really friendly. So, the lessons and the sermon addressed the issue I was struggling with this morning, it helps a little, mostly I mention it because nothing is random, really. I'll still need to work on it, it keeps me separate from people, and I don't find that useful or something I want. And then I decided to go to the coffee hour, and thought that I'd just be a wallflower, but people invited me to sit with them and included me in their conversations, which was cool. I think there is a real gift in welcoming strangers. (I've been thinking about that a lot in the meditations: gifts, talents, what we all bring into the world. Trying not to judge mine or anyone else's as being better or worse, that all are needed. I don't have a lot of outward ones (except maybe the potential coaching thing), you'd have to know me for the most part. But I'm trying to appreciate who I am, and share them with who will accept them.) I'm trying to figure out what I have to offer, especially when other people offer things that cost money, and I never seem to have any. Been struggling with this forever. I rarely have had money.

And on an unrelated note, my skin is going through a second puberty. Need to do something nice for my liver. Artichokes shoulda' helped, and burdock root is good, but maybe not a summer remedy.

Oh, and I think I found a studio to study dance, but I'll have to wait until September. Will also depend on what happens regarding the Meisner class.