Crud

Woke up haunted by idea that I'm holding back too much. Was it just the joke incident or did he mean "in general" that I'm not risking enough? Not committing to the moment ever? I feel like I am sometimes, like I've given more than I knew that I could. I know there were moments I got lost and wasn't present, but there are times I feel I am risking and failing. He said it was too safe, that I didn't fail because I wasn't risking enough. Ugh, I need to ask him.

Again, one of the reasons I took this class (and the Movement class) was to get more into the physical aspect of acting, and outta my head. And sometimes I feel like I'm making progress, but if that's not coming across, then non-committment is a different type of failure, a bad kind. It's the kind that says you don't give enough of a damn to try, to give it your all...and if that's the case, why bother? If I say I want this, then what am I holding back for? And how do I let go of that and drop into it fully, fully present and fully committed?  What am I afraid of? It's probably the safest of places to fail
magnificently.


(It was a specific and not a general comment, which is a relief.)