overactive alarm in my head

No ants so far this morning, but perhaps they sleep at night, when the walls are not so hot. I didn't mean to imply that if I did something wrong, I don't need to make ammends or take responsibility for it (that would work both ways, of course), only that I can't keep second-guessing myself. And I can't go around apologizing for every perceived slight on my own part (by me.) It's so codependant.  At any rate, I did apologize; what he did, wasn't a huge deal, but he passed the buck anyway (and I think we both know that.) I've let it slide because he has a lot of qualities I like, though if it's a regular behavior, it shows a lack of sensitivity and I need to walk away if that's something I want. I don't know that it is (a lack), and so I haven't. Lots of people lack that (sensitivity), it's more a matter of to what extent I want that in my life. And the alarms going off in the back of my head regarding poor choices I've made in the past, (staying with people I wasn't necessarily compatible with, because I like a challenge, or don't like to be a quitter, or I wanted a boyfriend, who knows?) sometimes are sounding now because of my own history, not always because the other person deserves it. It's protective, maybe overly, maybe not. Hard to tell now. The last two relationships I was in were really destructive (to me). The first, we were incompatible (no one's fault), the second might actually be a cruel person, and the alarms ringing are a fear that if I coulda' been attracted to him, the cruel person, (the charm factor was very high in the beginning) am I doing that again with someone else? I don't think this one now is cruel, (cruelty implies deliberation; insensitivity does not, more cluelessness or insecurity, very common traits we all have) nothing in his behavior suggests that. I just don't always trust my own attractions now because of that other one. My own lack of judgement back then makes me spooked.

Shoulda' used aloe/lavendar oil (both good burn remedies, btw) last night, didn't realize I had gotten sunburned in the brief time I sat outside yesterday. My shoulders are feeling irritated. Gotta go meditate.