Day 3

Well, I don't have either the shoes or head-thing I want, but I did a Goodwill run last night to try on clothes, so I have ideas. They only let you try on five things at a time, because there are only two dressing rooms, but eventually, after my third or fourth time in there and my trying on layers of shirts in front of the mirror, they let me take more than five things in. (I ran into someone I knew there, too, which was funny: I rarely see people I know in clothing stores. We were both using the mirror at the same time.  She was trying on clothes that matched...I was deliberately not.) I told them I was trying to come up with a costume. I think I'll need to make it more absurd, it's probably too cute at this point.

This morning I was listening to this podcast and this man mentioned that falling in love was like being on cocaine, and if you jump into relationships too quickly you can often end up with someone you're not really life-compatible with because of the initial high before you got to know much about each other. Like when you share an intense experience with someone and mistake that for love...it's slightly pessimistic, maybe it is real and you are compatible, but I think it was in answer to people wondering why their relationships don't work out, and that was one (of many) reasons. They were (specifically) talking about online dating, and how the initial "meet in person" dates should be short, like 20 minutes. (And also how the email contact should not drag out so that you don't start building up fantasies about who someone is. They were saying no more than 5 emails back and forth.)

Why do I bring this up? Well I heard it right before I left the house, and I'm definitely in that addictive place still, but I think I can shove it over and meet other people and get to actually know them on a healthier level and develop deeper friendships that'll be better over time. And if I fall in love with someone else, all the better. I was also thinking that maybe addictions are places where our energy (or life force, if you will) just gets stuck in a whirlpool and can't break free. Obsession certainly seems to dwell there.

There is a light that's flashing and clicking in my face like a mad beacon. I called it in yesterday, but who knows when it will be replaced. It makes my eyes tired, I have to look toward it all day. It's too dark in here to turn the lights off:) Actually, I did turn them off. I will keep them off until it gets fixed or someone complains, although, no one else has to sit here and watch it all day. I was feeling slightly whiny about being cold and then I remembered that I actually have a whole bag of clothes that I could layer and stopped.

I'm leaning heavily to "yes." I'll just be broke for the year, nothing new there. 99%. 1% working up the balls to ask about leaving early from work for 9 months.

Several comments that the lighting scheme is "romantic." Just for myself, I'm the only one in this space, lol.