Day 4

None of that is to say that I wouldn't mind getting paid for the art, I would like to get paid, just saying that isn't my main motivation for doing it.

I realized this morning that not only have I not heard the robin singing at dawn in a long while, I also haven't seen any in a couple of weeks. There are usually several around work, in the grass. They don't migrate, there are usually robins here all through the year. Wonder where they are?

There was a retreat for students over the weekend, and so random food keeps trickling through the office, today it's carrots and slices of cheese. I did say random. Oh, and then scones from another meeting. Did get up early enough to make lunch, but not to get to store to buy cleaning stuff. Tomorrow? Then if I don't meet a classmate during lunch, I can go drop of my rent.

Just got invited to an open dance rehearsal, trying to learn more about all performing arts, was talking with a dancer. I'll have to find someone to cover for me. Will call it "lunch." It's during the day. I think a friend has offered me an extra ticket to the performance itself, but it would be cool to watch a rehearsal.

I find I'm nervous about class, but looking forward to the chair exercises because: 1) I have a general idea of how they go; 2) when we work as a class, it's super focused and she calls you on behaviors. It's funny, because usually I feel the opposite, I like the warm-ups (more or less) and get nervous for the exercises (this was particularly true for clown, if I didn't go first on those, I sat in my seat and felt the terror of failing; felt my energy level drain out of me and wondered if I would be able to walk into the ring at all, half-hoping we'd run out of time first.) There are a couple of warm-ups that I've dreaded: sound ball (where you stand in a circle and throw a sound and motion to someone across from you, and then they have to repeat it as you receive it and then throw sound/action to someone else-I think it must dredge up memories of Duck duck goose, which I always dreaded: dreaded being both the goose, and later, never being chosen as well), and I can't remember what the other one is. Anyway, we did them as warm-ups before the show, and for the first time, it was fun for me. So maybe I'm over that.

Also, with the chair exercises, it's been hard to stay on track when we meet one-on-one out of class. There's a level of boredom or discomfort that is hard to push through and we end up chit-chatting or stopping the process too soon: it's a weird thing to do. I worked with one person last week where we actually burned through it with minimal chatting: I think at that point we both wanted to get something out of the work and that overrode any other weird obstacles that came up. They do. Your mind wanders, you get distracted, you start thinking, overthinking, try to break the monotony, try to entertain, maybe.

Well, that's today. Will see how that sentiment holds up over time.