Tuesday, still tired

I'm back to the insomnia, maybe getting four hours of sleep a night. We're sorta' having a thunderstorm.  About the acting thing I mentioned, I meant that anger tends to be an easy emotion to go for, easy to generate energy with that. And if it's what's called for, great. It's just that it's easy to hide behind, to use as a mask to cover up truths that we don't want to face. And it is about going for what you want, but there are many ways to get there. It can easily become a game just to win for the sake of winning, but losing the truth of  the moment, of the interaction, by turning it into a one-up-man-ship. Thin line there between tactics to get your objective vs. winning only for the sake of winning, to defeat the other person (and losing the reality of the humanity of the other), to prove your dominance, (but losing sight of the overall goal)...it's not always about the latter. And in only going for the latter choice, it becomes all about you, and not about the interaction, the other person might as well not even be there, you aren't seeing them.  I don't think the point is to figure out how to decimate that person in front of you, maybe I'm wrong. I don't think it builds up trust in order to do the hard work needed together, in general...some people thrive on that, others shut down. Whatever you're calling out in the other person should be present in the moment, right in front of you. No need to make up stories. (I'm not referring to scene work, only to the current chair work. We are not working under imaginary circumstances here.)