Vertigo part II

Woke up early, fell back asleep and then woke up again with vertigo. Wish I knew what caused it so I could avoid it. It's either my inner ear or my upper back.

I was thinking about the emotional thing and also about the exercise we did on the first night, where we had to do the "playback" of someone else's "video" message. I found the latter really difficult to do and I was concentrating hard to remember, but still couldn't.  A couple days later I was reading class materials in a coffee shop and these two women were talking at the next table. I was there for over an hour, they were talking audibly, I was listening half-way; I was still reading, but listening was unavoidable, really. Anyway, in that half-eavesdropping, I could probably repeat the whole hour of their conversation. And in class, when I'm not actively doing the exercise, but sitting on the side of it observing it, I pick up on all sorts of subtle cues, and I emotionally react to their interactions, but can't really do it in the moment when I'm actively doing the exercise. There must be a certain detachment or distance that works, or perhaps not feeling like I'm on the spot, not feeling like I have to do it.

How does one find the detachment/focus balance in the moment when you have to connect? It's probably a little of performance anxiety of being on the spot, and worrying what other people notice, but I don't know. There's also a distance that doesn't work for me, and I imagine that varies from person to person, really in each other's space works (I think because there's a certain unsettledness of crossing a boundary that ups my sensors to what's going on with the other person) and then with a fair amount of distance it works in a different way, maybe because it allows for detachment...when I'm just outside the personal boundary, it feels like a dead zone, just don't connect there. So, that's also something to consider and try to work with.

Guess I should get up and walk around and see where the vertigo hits. It usually only hits when I turn my head, or move in certain ways. There's usually a way I can hold myself where the world isn't spinning. (It's not spinning as I sit here typing.)