Thursday

Last night, walking home after seeing another show, the sky was clear, the stars were out, and so I am surprised (a little) by how thick the fog had returned by morning. It was the third-year graduate students in the Professional Actors Training Program's (PATP) production of Tom Stoppard's The Real Inspector Hound. It was another Art's Crush sponsored event (pay-what-you-will), although, the tickets aren't that much to begin with. By the time it actually started, the venue was full, which is good to see. I liked the set-up of a play within a play, and the switching of the audience becoming the players, and the acting was good, but not sure if I liked the play itself. Need time to think about it. And I was watching the style of acting, the very focused face and body, which I've seen a lot of lately, and thinking that I am no where near that point, but do I need to be? Again, can see it's usefulness in auditioning, so need to get there with monologues at least, it pulls your focus (as an audience member.) I've seen a lot of work this month (most of it was free, a couple were pay-what-you-can.)

I was gonna do some writing while I waited for the ticket office to open, and I came across a "good-bye" message for another person gone. I had been thinking about him lately, wondering why I hadn't seen him, thinking perhaps he had moved. Seeing his picture really upset me, perhaps more than was warranted for how little I knew him. We were denizens of the same neighborhood haunts for years (and years and years), someone I only knew enough to acknowledge in passing. Still, I sat back down at my table and wrote with tears dripping down my cheeks. My insecurities keeping me from ever venturing any further than "hello."

Too many people fall through the cracks. We think there is always tomorrow (and for a lot of things, there should be time to think them through, especially if they could/would have a negative impact if carried out), but we hold back when we should reach out, with encouragement, with kindness, with friendship, with forgiveness. And perhaps the truth is that there isn't time.  There won't be a tomorrow. We need to connect.  Fate may never wait for you.  It might never be the "perfect" moment you imagine.  Maybe we could meet it half-way, and give ourselves a fighting chance instead of waiting passively for "fate" to happen.  We miss out on each other.  Fate is only a nudge, we have to make the choice to act.