Day...I don't know anymore

"Oh, shit!" would be my reaction to the set up after break. A stage with an audience. A progression in the chair exercises, adding imaginary circumstances. (And I never know, so, how much do I identify with the space being mine? Or is that thinking too much?)  It felt like a jump, jolting away from the familiar, but it was bound to happen, and besides, um, that will be the point after all this, to act on a stage. Just new, and I don't want to get left behind.  I felt stiff, stilted...yeah I don't know. In theory, it should've been easier because we were using our whole bodies and not just sitting across from each other. It was the same exercise we've been doing, only we could move. Also, we spent the first two + hours doing movement work, so in theory, should've been more grounded. I somehow got volunteered to go first on a walk thing, it was sorta' like finding the clown walk in George's class, only we didn't feed off of each other, it was solo finding it. (Well, Robin helped.) It's easier to go first. If I go later, I end up freaking myself out. Anyway, I find the physical work easier to do than the emotional work, hopefully, one will feed into the other. I think I might have strained muscles from just above the knee on the left side, all the way to the top of my butt, I could feel the whole thing seizing up earlier. Will feel it by Thursday, I'm sure. (Usually takes a couple of days.) I don't exactly see images when I let myself go (physically), but I feel things; at one point, whatever it was that I was doing full board, made me feel like a warrior, and super focused. I realized that while I wasn't angry or looking for a fight, I felt ready for a battle.  I like doing the physical stuff (so, I say now. Everytime I say I "like" something, that changes almost immediately.) Still afraid of the "chair" exercises, but pushing through anyway. It's a wall. Needs to fall or at least get a door installed.

The thing with the imaginary circumstance exercise, is that I get self-concious about being boring, and it's not that I was trying to "act" or make it more interesting, I was just aware that I felt boring. Which means I wasn't in the moment with my partner, if I was in my head, I guess. I wanted to use the space more, but didn't feel a compelling reason to move. I was probably thinking too much and not noticing impulses. Hopefully, we will do these again. I'm afraid, but I need the practice, so I have it before we move on to the next thing.

I'm so tired, I'll just have to deal with my hair in the morning.