Monday

Huge piles of leaves and branches everywhere, my memory is short, I'd forgotten about the windstorm.  (And still, there are lots of leaves left to fall.)

Still hoping to break through deeper with the Meisner work.  It will help to be a deeper kinda' artist, in all ways if I can.  We have months to go, so there's hope, I think.  My task this week isn't in relation to anyone I care deeply about, though she said that was fine as long as I make it really specific, so I'll need to research that.  I'll try to make the rest of the quarter about people in my life.  It's scary, and she acknowledged that, to imagine high stakes events about people you love, it feels like thinking that would make it happen and you would harm them in some way, although, we probably all already catastrophize (?) in our darker moments.

Still very intrigued by how much dynamics change when the partners change, and what that brings out in each person.  Still having a hard time visualizing, not sure why.  I get caught up in the action (perhaps trying to "do it right") that I rarely see beyond the obvious.  Sometimes, a fleeting glimpse.  If I'm alone, I usually can.  It's the being watched, and the expectation that I should see something, that everyone else is, and I have to in order to keep up, that freezes my mind.  It will be a huge achievement if ever I can get beyond that.

A friend I haven't seen in 25+ years is in town.  Am trying to make time in a busy week.  Trying to make time for friends and other parts of my life un-related to theatre.  It's tough. I haven't balanced it yet.  And I sometimes think I want to be in a relationship, but would that be fair?  Would I be able to give them (and the relationship) the energy they deserve?  Don't know.