The sun is shining, blue skies and golden leaves; the daily soundtrack is rockin', still...I'm restless. Now the light is fading and the thin strips of cloud, scuttle quickly southward, as if running away. They hold the remaining daylight, and take it with them, leaving me below, with dullness and shadow. It's even a (very full) long weekend...still, I'm restless. I feel like I'm waiting for something to arrive, but not sure what that is.
What I'm afraid of is that I'll be seen as not putting in enough effort and be asked to drop the class at the end of the quarter. And I want to stay. I want to get better. And I think I am, but...that's what stresses me out. (That and that I'm not "perfect"...but if I was, I wouldn't need to be here, and I'd be bored.) So, there's that.
There's a responsibility (in art) to explore the full human condition from depravity to glory, and to do it honestly. That, in itself is exciting. It makes me want to make bolder choices, blow out the kernel of truth that must exist at the center of it all. It's all just noisy pomp and circumstance, things made of vapor, easily brushed away without heart, without truth.
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing. - Shakespeare- from the Scottish play
So much work yet (always, always, always) to do.
Hyvää viikkonloppua!
Off to vacuum and a Mongolian event.
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