Explanation

I guess I should mention that in addition to being an introvert, I'm also an empath. I didn't know what that was for most of my life, only that I was processing everyone else's shit that I picked up out in the world, in addition to my own. And I can get overwhelmed. I often need to get away from people, to be alone to process stuff, to get it out of my system. So violence and abuse and toxicity really affect me, stay with me. But so do acts of altruism and love and beauty, and so I wouldn't choose to be anything else, and when I have a really strong reaction to violence, that's a big part of it. I don't always deal with it well, I'm trying to learn how, and sometimes my own emotions and ego get mixed up in the process, confusing things further. And unlike what I've read about a lot of other empaths, I usually love being in crowds, especially for happy occasions. And when I'm clear-headed, I like being able to understand what's really going on, it certainly helps with forgiveness. I'm not always clear-headed:) And incidentally, I rarely consciously do this anymore with individuals, I want to take care of my own life and not take on anyone else's problems, especially if they don't want to do anything to change. (So, yeah, the obvious answer to this would be to not expose myself to the things that bother me, but that's not always practical, I'd rather learn how to be less affected by it.)