Spider keeping me awake

I want to go to sleep but there is a large spider crawling up and falling down the wall near where I would put my head. Not sure where it's gotten to now, it fell again. Show tonight had enjoyable dancing, seemed a little jaded, most, not all, of the women were "teases." Only one love relationship seemed to go well, and she treated him like a dog (literally, he danced on all fours.) They all moved beautifully. And I liked that the women dancers had healthy-looking bodies. (Crud, the spider's back on the wall.) I was hungry, and while I generally enjoyed listening to the "observer" orate, I wanted it to end so I could leave (and go eat something, it had been about 10 hours since I'd eaten.) The choreographer made a comment (in answer to a question) that it had to do with the idealization of love, and how that can't turn out well (it's not real.) You have to look at the person across from you and recognize them as who they are and not what you want them to be, and figure out what type of relationship you can have based on who the two of you are together, and not on something you idealize (or something like that, it was hard to hear.) I was also irritated by how long the bus ride took, and by loud conversations (people not bothering to sit anywhere near each other, but shouting their conversations across the bus. Political opinions and health issues.) I wanted to scream, but of course, I didn't. Really low blood sugar. I've thought about taking dance classes from the company before, I think it was just too far away from where I live, so I opted not to. It's probably just one of those spiders that you can find near the bathtub drain, but it's hard to tell. At any rate, it's under my bed again, and I'm on the opposite corner, with my feet off of the floor.

Need to remember to drop off film for development tomorrow morning. Lab is only open in the morning. Next year, I'll try to be in the 14/48 festival, maybe in the fall I'll see if I can sign up for the Incubator series at Freehold, I want to direct, but not this year. I want to trust myself more before doing either of those things. Not actually sure if I should do the Meisner or if I should do a year of other stuff (auditioning, Shakespeare, improv, solo performance, camera), I see benefits of both, don't have the money nor the time to do both so have to decide. It all kinda' depends on how this summer goes. What I gain from it, what I learn, what stays with me. Meisner might be what I need, but it might not be, and it's a year where that's all I'm doing. I'll have to decide if I'll still sing in two choirs and if I can still do the Finnish lessons. It'll be another year without an outside life, but if it's the best option, I'll commit to it. Just haven't done that yet, and not ready to. Do want to keep options open for now.

I'm babbling now, still avoiding the spider. (And no, I don't intend to kill it.)