Morning, weekend, waiting for hot water

Waiting for hot water, water heater circuit blew. Fans running for the heat in the attic, circuits can't handle the extra power usage. Happens in the winter, too. I think I must just get sick from the smell of mold, it wasn't just those onions. Earlier this morning, I was washing everyone's dirty dishes (it's hot, it smells, and I don't want any more ants or fruit flies, I could send the spider up there...) and there was mold growing between things, totally disgusting. Made me heave again. Took it outside and sprayed it down with the hose.

I have to find something to put my 120 film in. I used to have a black bag, but I don't know what I did with it, been a long time since I've used it. The film is only covered in paper, so it's good to keep it in the dark. There's a car show up there this weekend (where the lab is.) The other lab does a great job, but they don't list their prices and they are a little snooty, although, they are giving a discount for film development for the Longshot thing. I could do it myself, only it's color and I need to have it scanned. I should go weed before it gets too hot. Supposed to be around 90 degrees for the next few days. Think I'll find something to attempt to write a haiku about, bad or otherwise. Practice is worth something. Incidentally, I have managed to keep my coffee consumption way down this week, by not drinking any after the morning is over. Maybe could go see the 14/48 show tonight, it's the last night. I had intended to go at some point, but totally fell off of my radar until now. (Got notices about it too, but have been off of Facebook for the most part, so didn't see them.) Just after 9 am now and already 70 degrees. I feel lazy.

I don't know where any of this (acting) will lead, but I was kinda' holding since I finished the pilgrimage thing (another odd want that I followed for years until it was played out. Well, maybe not entirely, but not at the top anymore. It's holding somewhere.) Wants come from somewhere deep inside, and if I said before that I wanted someone (God? the Universe?) to tell me what to do with my life, to write it in the sky, I never saw the message there. I was looking in the wrong place: it was already in my heart, but I dismissed that because it seemed frivolous and selfish. I spent years looking for answers that were already here, in a place I didn't look. In some ways, it's better to find this now, I'm a different person than I was at 21 (I love my 21-year old self, but I was a basket case; I was dealing with way too much pain), my emotional range is more available now. I know somewhat more about myself. And like I said last night, it doesn't matter where it leads, it matters more that I listen to it and follow it. Trust.